Race 13 - Day 5
Crew Diary - Derry-Londonderry, Northern Ireland to Den Helder, Netherlands
22 July
We're all slowly approaching the end of our sailing adventure (for this year at least), and this is especially true for the brave sailors who went all-in over a year ago in Gosport. They have put their lives and loves on hold for a full year as they complete this epic circumnavigation, and now face what I am sure is the equally daunting question of what to do next.
To help them in their search, knowing they will be looking for jobs in the very near future, I thought I would compile them a sample CV for prospective employers.
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[insert name here]
I am a fun, adventurous, and outgoing individual who likes to problem solve creatively in high stress situations. None of this is true if I haven't been fed in the last three hours, so please ensure your workplace has snacks.
High salt, high sugar, or beneficial to bowel health preferred. I have a get up (from any angle) and go (on deck) attitude, and enjoy working in a hierarchical environment – one watch leader, one voice. This does not mean that I won't participate in team meetings vocally, even if no-one listens or cares. Graduating from the school of (very) hard knocks, I began a course in sailing, but quickly transferred to an MA in People Management, the former being next to useless in most situations by comparison. My thesis was on people with their own boats, professional amateur sailors, and people whose previous boat experience was crossing on the Channel ferry.
Past work experience includes:
-Catering. Large groups of 20+ people minimum. All dietary requirements taken in to account, sometimes only in theory. Happy to cook on swinging stoves in tiny pots. Will use garlic in all dishes. Bring your own spicy sauce.
-Sewing. Experience limited to extremely thick materials. Can sew all the latest fashions (as long as they're in white), in all sizes (60m^2 and up).
-May get irrationally angry if garments are actually used after sewing, and sometimes will develop unhealthy attachment to garments made.
-Rock Climber. Will climb anything in all weather. Preference for cliffs that sway wildly.
-Cleaner. Will clean all general surfaces and toilets. May use same product for everything, depending on what I find in the first bottle I pick up. May get upset if after half an hour of use, toilet resembles an army field trench hospital.
-Driver / Chauffeur. Courteous, professional driver. Will provide own route, regardless of destination. Healthy disregard for sat nav and other navigational aids. Don't be alarmed if I stick my head out of the car window, this is normal.
-Mechanical Engineer. Have tools, will fix anything. Specialities include engines, generators, winches, toilets. If it's stuck, lube it. If it's loose, sail tie it. Expect significant swearing, some nudity, and excess coffee consumption.
Minimum contract 1 year. Will accept payments in kind of baked goods, any kind of biscuits, or spicy Vietnamese noodles.
Enterprising on Seattle
Leo