Race 1 - Day 28
Skipper Report
17 September

Andy Burns
Andy Burns
Team GREAT Britain
Back to ReportsView Team Page
We are in Stealth Mode so I can't divulge any information regarding our tactics unfortunately but what I can do is put together a handy guide for all you budding ocean racers so you can prepare yourselves for life on board. We've thought through some of the basic aspects of living and working on a racing yacht and have devised realistic simulations to give you the feeling of racing from home. Here is your first in the series.

Sleeping

You will need:

  • A rickety bunk bed. Remove the ladder for extra realism.
  • Wooden chocks and a sledge hammer
  • Someone you once annoyed
  • The percussion section of your local orchestra
  • 100 stage lights

Start by placing each of the four corners of your bunk bed on a pile of wooden chocks; don't aim for precision – there is no precision at sea. Once you think your bed is vaguely level, get in. It's your choice whether to go top or bottom bunk. It's Hobson's choice really - top will give you marginally more privacy but is further to fall when you misjudge your entry or exit. Use your bedding to make minor adjustments to your level – we all know there's nothing worse than sleeping on a slope. Have your percussion section gently ease you into dreamy sleep with a violent soundtrack of crashing waves, graunching grinders and random knocks and bangs. At irregular intervals throughout your sleep, have your foe randomly smash out the wooden chocks; they're aiming to convey with realism both the noise of a badly executed sail evolution and a dramatic change in heel of the boat. To simulate sleeping during the day point the stage lights directly at your bunk; you'll get both the warmth and 'sunshine through the porthole' benefits that make an afternoon off in the tropics so desirable. You will awake refreshed and ready for the watch ahead.

Until tomorrow

Andy and the GREAT Britain Team