So today I'd like to regale you all with the tale of two amazing warrior women. Fearsome Valkyries who have stowed away on Liverpool 2018 and continue to battle with the elements, gravity and a wave-crazed helmsman all in the name of achieving one glorious goal; feeding the crew. These two women are tougher than any of the blokes on our boat and have earned their place in the annals of history, not just as battle-hardened Mothers but as the saltiest sailors you'll ever meet (literally). Their names - Carrie ’The Fish Whisperer’" Rich and Helen ’The Huntress’ Lane.
Now you may remember that Carrie has a way with flying fish, in that she routinely either plucks them from the air with naught but her teeth or she is found releasing them back into their watery home off the stern. Helen ‘The Huntress’ may be a relatively new name to you all, but rest assured it is a well-deserved one. Her steely gaze as she helms our fair ship is second to none and much like the theme song of Jaws, there is always a dull bass line playing in the background as she hunts down our opposition sailing in front (her theme is slightly jazzier though and reminds me of a certain rose-coloured feline). As an aside, look out you pirates on Garmin - I've let The Huntress open a bag of boat speed which I was saving in the lazarette and she is looking to serve you justice for your swashbuckling ways.
Now that you know our two main heroines, allow me to introduce our villain in this story - a helmsman whose aim in life is clear and singular in its nature, yet dastardly and obviously malevolent in its intention. Dan "The Dunker" Eastley. For the past 27 days his one goal has been to dunk Carrie with every single wave he can find and so far he has been utterly ruthless in his success. Helen, faithful friend that she is, is always by Carrie's side ready to protect her when needed.
Today, as Carrie and Helen were on Mother Duty, was no different. The battle raged on as these two angels served up bowl after bowl of delicious pesto pasta to the crew all the while literally defying gravity as the boat heeled over. And then, as can be expected in stories like these, the villain took the helm and began to wage war with the waves. Dan sought every single wave he could find and crashed into them ferociously, covering the foredeck with salty wash. Our heroines persevered and continued to serve lunch and even began to bake some loaves of bread as they knew that being down below meant they were safe from The Dunker's steering. And this is where our tale takes a mysterious turn. Somehow the galley hatch was left open. Who opened it, no one knows. Perhaps it was a forgetful crew member, perhaps it was The Dunker himself, but my bet is that it was the boat fairies who like to cause mischief wherever possible (including moving my boots and turning off my instruments in the night). Seeing his opportunity, The Dunker took aim, span the wheel like he was dealing roulette in a casino and found a monster wave. With an almighty splash, torrents of water fell through the galley and covered both Carrie and Helen.
This surely was the end for our two fighting females. None could have survived a wave like that. But slowly as the water ebbed away a faint sound emerged from behind the cook top. At first it was a giggle and then it grew into raucous laughter. Our two heroines were literally laughing in the face of their enemy!
This, fair readers, is how you sail! When life on board gets tough and you think it can't possibly get any worse, somehow you need to laugh. You need to keep fighting always, whether its fighting to stay positive despite being slightly back in the pack, fighting to keep your bunk upright, or fighting a crazed helmsman who loves to dunk his fellow crew. You must keep laughing and fighting and eventually it will all come good. It always does.
Also, I must say, pesto pasta with a little bit of added sea salt is delicious.
Ta,
Lance